Ain't too Proud to Save

Using coupons is a controversial thing to do. At least this is what is thought by the image-conscious circle of friends that I hang out with. Don't get me wrong. I am definitely an image-conscious person. E.g., I am afraid to be seen by a wild bear simply because my ass is bushier than his/hers. However, saving money by using coupons or talking someone down is something I love doing. Not only does it save me money, but it also allows me to do more things because of the extra money.

Recently, my friends called me "low rent" for using coupons at fine restaurants. The other day, I cashed in on a buy-one-get-one-free coupon at one of Columbus' finest, The Refectory. My hecklers asked me if I felt embarrassed when I pulled out a coupon at a place that is primarily frequented by Columbus' elite. I replied to them stating that I think every one there thought I was one of them. Them meaning the "rich." Now, I don't call myself rich, but using coupons and negotiating are a big part of how the rich get richer.

Picture: Me (right) thinking about which coupon to use.

People have a skewed perception of the rich. The not-so-rich think the rich don't use coupons because they don't need to. The not-so-rich are correct in thinking that the rich don't need to use coupons, but each coupon they use is more money they can use for investments, high-priced prostitutes, or what have you.

When I whipped out that buy-one-get-one-free coupon at the fancy restaurant, the clientele and the attractive waitress looked at me as if I just pulled out a member's card. It's not like I'm asking for a free meal because the lobster bisque tasted like Mayor McCheese's dick. Nor am I complaining because the Rockies on my Coors Light have not turned blue. In the end, coupons are distributed because these companies want your business. Just make sure to tip on the bill as if the coupon amount were not subtracted from the total. If you do this, you're sure to fit the tuxedo.

Also, don't be afraid to negotiate when buying large dollar items. The last time I purchased shoes, I let the cashier ring up the shoes, which they were $85. I then said, "I don't want to spend more than $65." He accepted. If he would have said no, I probably would have went to the next store. Instead, I walked away with $20 that I probably spent on good beer. I'm sure you just called me "low rent" because $85 is a large dollar amount to me, but there's a lot of negotiating room for something that expensive.

Whether you're saving a lot or a little, don't be afraid to use coupons and negotiate. All the rich people are doing it.

Write on

Everyone has a routine. One guy leaves his house every morning at six to run five miles. He always leaves at this time so he can ensure he’ll get back home and be ready for work at eight. More importantly, he begins his jog exactly at six so he can cross the railroad track before the daily train rumbles through his jogging path. Another part of this routine is that he takes an apple with him everyday, which he feeds to a horse that he passes at mile three. The horse seems to enjoy the routine as much as the runner does.

Another guy routinely drinks a six pack of Miller High Life every evening before he goes to sleep after the 11 o’clock news. He dozes off throughout the news but looks forward to the weather. He should probably go to sleep earlier, but the weather is very important to him. He could check the weather on the internet and go to sleep much earlier, but why would he do that?

Whether good or bad, we all have routines. I have become annoyed with some of the routines I follow.

I noticed the other day that I drive in the same lane on a four-lane freeway everyday. Not only do I limit myself to the lane just to the right of the passing lane, but I start eating my daily Clif Bar at exactly the same point. I have no idea why I do this. It probably isn’t a bad thing. However, medical people say that following routines contributes to Alzheimer’s. They suggest taking alternate routes to work so your brain has to keep experiencing new things.

In hopes to prevent early onset Alzheimer’s, I’ve started breaking some of my routines. I will occasionally brush my teeth with my left hand, which is extremely awkward and inefficient. My left hand doesn’t seem to care about my dental hygiene, but I’m going to make it.

In another attempt to deter Alzheimer’s, I’ve decided to break my lazy routine of not writing. Writing is something I enjoy immensely, but I’ve been putting it off much like I do shaving, which is why I always have a beard. Also, writing actually makes good use of my journalism degree that I paid more than $50k for. As a result, I’ve decided to increase my brain activity and write this blog.

I know this particular entry seems to be on the anti-routine side of the debate, but I hope you routinely read my blog.