You see, quite a few years ago, my parents gave me an iPod Shuffle for that big holiday in December on which people spend way too much money. It was a wonderful gift, but the Shuffle has one huge downfall. However, I'm too protective of my dollars to purchase another MP3 player.
The downfall of the Shuffle is that you have no control over what song you're going to hear once you load your stolen music onto it. In my case, I never want to make a playlist prior to loading the music because it takes entirely too long. So I end up letting the Shuffle pick at random from my collection of more than 12 days of music.
When listening to my iPod at work, I pay the price of the Shuffle's limitations each time an undesirable song comes pooping through my headphones. Yes, there is a skip button, but skipping one out of every five songs is a real distraction from my work. I'd bet my hitting the skip button costs my employer $15 dollars a day.
I read an article a while ago in which Paul Shirley wrote about his own music library cleansing. It inspired me to do some fat trimming of my own. It took me eons to get around to it, but I've finally grown tired of skipping around Metallica and hiding from the Foo Fighters.
I won't cover every artist/band, but some of the deleted and a few of the fence riders seemed worth talking about.
Group A:
Ace of Bass makes the cut because my wife bobs her head every time they come on.
Alan Parsons Project stays only because I always want to remember how spectacular the 1990s Chicago Bulls were.
The Ark is the first band to go. I stopped feeling cool listening to them a couple years ago.
Group B:
Billy Squire is only appropriate in a suburban bar. Not everybody wants you, sir.
The Black Keys are soulless and now deleted.
Black Kids get to stay so I can say I'm not racist.
Group C:
Chris Isaak's Wicked Game video was great to watch as a teenager, but his music no longer fits my lifestyle.
Crazy Town talks about getting a lot of pussy. I'll let them keep telling lies. They also started a star tattoo fad that has since burned out like a supernova.
However, there's always room for a star tattoo person in any group of friends.Group D:
Danny Elfman, thanks for exiting without a fight.
Days of the New I can't get rid of you. You make me think of JNCO jeans and Ozzfest. Both of which you would never find me in today, but I would have never said that when I was 15.
Deftones, I'm keeping you for now. I'll probably delete you the next time around. My ears like softer things now.
Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers' I'll be Home With Bells On is a friend that will always be welcome in my ears.
Duncan Shiek reminds me of an entire summer my brother and I spent playing a Nintendo 64 game (Star Wars Shadows of the Empire).
Group E:
The English Beat and Eurythmics were only in my library because of a college class that forced me to identify their music as part of a listening exam. Deleting them is like throwing your Trapper Keeper out the window on the last day of school.
Group F:
The Fabulous Thunderbirds are another part of the listening exam. However, they continue to get an A+ from me.
Foo Fighters make me hit the skip button every time they're playing something other than Everlong. They are a one-hit wonder to me. I'll keep Everlong.
Group G:
Garth Brooks always reminds me of a weird time in my life. In second or third grade, I started listening to a lot of Garth, and I also began wearing cowboy boots and cowboy shirts.
At this same time, I said something mean to this girl named Carol. She was scrawny and had blonde hair down to her shoulders; harmless. Carol didn't like my comment and showed her disgust by picking up a wood chip off the playground and launching it at my face. It sliced me just above the eyebrow. I went into the coat room and cried. I still have a scar to this day. Thanks to Carol, Garth is gone.Gentle Giant is like listening to a group performing at your local Renaissance festival; something to be avoided.
Group M:
Metalica is the band that really made me want to cut down the library. Every time I hear them, I think to myself, "Man, I really need to delete them." If I should ever want to hear their music, I can just turn on the local rock station and they'll be their within 20 minutes of listening.
Group O:
OK Go, an awesome music video will only get you a few years of notoriety. I've heard or seen nothing impressive since.
Group P:Pennywise. I forgot the lyrics while performing the song Bro Hymn in a band (Right Side Harbor) at a high school show. I keep them around so I can practice the lyrics in case we have a reunion show.
Group T:
Tantric - see Days of the New
TV on the Radio was one of Spin's favorite bands to cover. I took their word for it an downloaded their breakthrough album. I deleted most of it within weeks. Now it's time to get rid of the rest.
Group U:
U2 is one of the two Group U members. I have to keep one around and U2 is not it.
UB40, thanks for being better than U2.
Group W:
The Wallflowers, I'll keep you only because I overheard some older folks, who were sitting behind me at a restaurant, praising you. I don't like you very much now, but maybe you'll grow on me as I get older.
Wolfmother was supposed to be the next Black Sabbath. They seem more like Black Sabbath's pussy grandkid. Gone.
In the end, I still have more than 12 days of music. I went from 12.5 to 12.1 days. I'm sure I missed quite a bit of crap music, but at least I got rid of Metallica.
